'Cause Baby I'm (NOT!) the Taxman

I know we all really, REALLY hate tax season, but since death and taxes are the only certain things in life, we get to roll with it. At least the government is nice enough to give some of us money that we get to turn around and give to someone else straight away. Anyway, that's not what this is about.

When someone, say a nice community group, offers to fill out and file your taxes for you at no charge and deal with all your drama, be polite to them (for doing the work) and me(for having to deal with your drama). See the following list of niceties that could get you farther in life (and maybe you won't be strangled):

1. I am NOT an accountant, I do not know what you did with your money or where it went or how you will get it back, so stop asking.
2. I did NOT employee you last year, so I CANNOT give you a W-2 no matter how many times you think I can. My co-workers cannot help you either.
3. I am NOT a grief counselor and cannot offer you hope that your mean and nasty ex-husband might want to share his tax return.
4. I am NOT a psychic, I do NOT know if the real taxman will take your refund to repay your left over bills.
5. I am only an anger management specialist when it comes to my own attitude. Continue to yell at me, and you might just meet my mean side. (Probably not, because I don't like stooping to your psycho level).
6. A pre-registration time means they will try to fit you in at that time. I have absolutely NO control over whether or not they will get you in.
7. On the same note, when the tax specialist puts names from the previous day on today's list, I CANNOT help you. Again, I have NO control over who they see and when.
8. When I tell you that your packet has a list included of what items you need to bring, do not ask: "Do I need my social security card? or my driver's license?" "I GAVE YOU A LIST" (Who can tell me where that quote is from?)
9. Please do NOT call the front desk and ask to talk to the tax lady. I CANNOT transfer you to the meeting room because their is NO phone back there. And no, I CANNOT go back there and ask them your question because I am doing my job setting the desk and answering the phone. Come see them, don't call.

and last but not least...

10. UNLESS YOU WANT A BAR OF SOAP SHOVED DOWN YOUR THROAT, DO NOT CUSS ME OR ANY OF MY CO-WORKERS OUT. IT IS NOT POLITE, IT MAKES YOU SOUND STUPID, AND MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.

P.S. please wear real clothes to your appointment, or better yet when you go anywhere out in public. Thank you!